Saturday, October 25, 2014

This Is What My Ignorance Looks Like

"What on earth was she thinking???"

"Why would he do something like that???"

"I just don't understand how she could make that choice. It makes me sick."

"He's so selfish."

"I could never do that to my children."

"What is wrong with her???"

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Fool Me Once

Never once did it occur to me that the scariest part about drugs-pharmaceuticals in particular, is how NOT scary they feel. It never occurred to me that there would be NO warning signs--or at least nothing that I would interpret as a warning sign, and it certainly never occurred to me that I should be down right terrified of how right those pills made me feel. We all experience moments in our lives when everything seems to fall into place--when we just know that we're exactly where we're supposed to be, doing exactly what we're supposed to be doing, and life feels 100% the way we believe it's supposed to feel. Those moments are rare, they are often fleeting, but they are undeniably special and very, very exciting.

That's exactly how I felt when opiates hit my bloodstream for the very first time.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

A Beautiful Disaster

I'm one of those idiots who still kind of misses High School. I miss the feeling of facing an unknown future, the endless possibilities, the sense that something wonderful might happen at any moment. Oh I had my fair share of a tortured adolescence too, don't get me wrong, but I also always carried with me a real sense of hope that great things might come my way. I really miss that feeling, to the point that my heart physically aches to think of the faith I once had that all my dreams might someday come true.

But I really am an idiot.